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Arranged Marriage, Planned Parenthood or Manufactured Procreation?
Hooray for an unorthodox way to acknowledge and accept gays and lesbians while engendering life!
Rabbi Arele Harel has taken a page out of my mental book of how to make the best out of anything in life. This rabbi is clearly a mutineer considering, “Most rabbis encourage gays to suppress their attractions, abstain from gay sex or undergo therapy to try to go straight.”
Gay men and lesbian women will be unchanged by others’ hatred, discrimination, disapproval, blasphemy, prayers, threats, or banishment. They will continue to struggle and live their life as gay men and lesbians in the closet or openly. Some may marry to appease family and society or from the fear and ignominy of expressing their innate feelings toward the same sex.
Rabbi Harel has joined the ranks of thousands of others who have capitalized on today’s practice of dating and has become a matchmaker. However, his approach is a little different than the average dating or matchmaking service. He is interested in helping a population experience the freedom of accepting who they are while still being able to fulfill their dreams of marriage and children. Many gay couples use surrogates or adoption to become parents. Lesbians have an advantage over gay men because either woman can actually give birth.
As men and women (gay or straight), we aspire to become parents. It begins in childhood when we are playing house, playing with dolls, or taking care of pets. As adults, our desire to love, teach, and care of another human being is altruistic. It does not affect every person since many people prefer to never become parents. A person’s sexual orientation is not a factor in a person’s desire to have children since many gays and lesbians work very hard to become parents.
One gay man considering using Rabbi Harel’s matchmaking said, “he was willing to forgo love if it means being able to have children. He wants to try to refrain from seeing men when he is married but would discuss the issue with his wife if that changed.” Is Rabbi Harel a matchmaker or is he arranging “loveless” marriages?
Rabbi Harel states, “gay and lesbian partners learn to love each other once children arrive. Their love is based on parenthood. Parenthood is the glue and it’s strong.” Is Rabbi Harel supervising planned parenthood?
When you mix the complexity of parenthood, marriage, sexual orientation, and religion, it is too much for most to think about let alone find a solution. It seems that Rabbi Harel has found a way for the Jewish LGBTQ population to honor their religion, have a spouse and have children. Jewish law forbids adultery, so gays and lesbians who marry for the sole purpose of wanting children still have to be willing to be faithful to their spouse. Is Rabbi Harel manufacturing procreation?
Humans are pleasure-seeking creatures of habit, so I ponder the outcome of Rabbi Harel’s couples. Will they eventually stray and commit adultery? Will they consent to divorce so they can be with a same-sex partner? Does marriage change their sexual orientation from gay or lesbian to bisexual?
Although I’m not Jewish and I’m not gay, I think there is irony in this Associated Press article by Tia Goldenberg. It states, “Tel Aviv is considered one of the most gay-friendly cities in the world.” Then it states, “There is no gay marriage in Israel primarily because there is no civil marriage and all weddings must be done through the Jewish rabbinate, which does not marry gays and considers homosexuality a sin and a violation of Jewish law.” It also states, “The liberal religious gay group Havruta opposes Harel’s approach, saying it seeks to “erase” homosexuals from the Orthodox community.”
What is an intelligent person to think of Judaism and homosexuality? Is it duplicitous for Tel-Aviv to celebrate homosexuality, yet Israel does not allow civil marriages and Jewish rabbinates consider homosexuality a sin and violation of law? The Orthodox community is already trying to erase homosexuals by hoping they would “change” and go straight whereas Rabbi Harel views homosexuals as viable contributors to increasing the Jewish population.
Peacefully yours,
Tonja
Related articles
India’s Gay Pride
Several of the anthology contributors live in India. The LGBTQ issues and laws in the USA are slightly different from those in India. The struggles, the bullying, the discrimination, the hate crimes, the stigma, and the HIV problems are quite similar. However, some people may say that American gays have a slight advantage. When you step into the shoes of a LGBTQ person in India, you will learn that:
- there is no way to officially track the number of gays beaten, sexually assaulted and raped by police and there is no justice
- there are no landord/tenant courts to help gays who are evicted by landlords for being gay
- gays can be detained and “treated” with aversion therapy (electric shock) for their “mental disorder“
- some families abuse, disown, beat, and even kill gay family members
The good news is that gay sex is no longer a crime punishable by up to 10 years in prison. There is a steady rise of gay rights and human rights organizations, activists and supporters who work diligently to improve circumstances for gays in India. Gays in India are constantly being challenged, but the population continues to gleam with gay pride.
The poems, letters, narratives, essays, and articles submitted by the earnest writers in India will make you think, cry and maybe even laugh. When I stepped into the shoes of contributors in India, I learned that the desire to have acceptance, fair treatment and love is universal!
Peacefully yours!
Today feels like a Friendly Friday!
How do you feel today?
If you have ordered a copy of Step Into My Shoes: Expressions from the LGBTQ Community, you will feel a friendly bond with many of the contributors who have opened up and shared deep feelings about life as an LGBTQ person or as the friend or ally of an LGBTQ person. As an ally of the LGBTQ community, I felt a friendly bond with many of the faceless contributors who submitted poems, letters, essays, and narratives to the anthology.
Today I walked past the magazine rack in the university library and saw Chaz Bono’s face on the copy of The Advocate. (www.advocate.com) I stopped and looked at his face, which I had not really seen since he was Chastity Bono. He looks the same with the exception of a few extra facial pounds. More importantly, I saw a friendliness in Chaz’s eyes that has been there since childhood. I remember watching the Sonny & Cher show on TV back in the 70s when they would bring out their then cute little girl with the friendly looking eyes and smile.
For those who think anyone from the LGBTQ completes changes their entire identity when they change their sexual identity, I’m willing to bet their spirit is unchanged. If there was a friendly spirit before you knew they were lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, or queer, it is still there if you would be open-minded enough to look into the person’s eyes and see the friendly spirit that continues to make them who they are regardless of their sexual orientation.
A person’s friendly spirit can be felt as you read their sentimental writings or look into their eyes on the cover of a magazine. So, today feels like a friendly Friday as I think of my newfound friends who contributed to an anthology that represents Compassion, Equality and Humanity.
Peacefully yours,
Related articles
- A Question of Transgender Community (victoriaoldham.wordpress.com)
- Chaz Bono to be Grand Marshal of Gay Pride Parade (redbeardedoctopus.wordpress.com)
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